RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9, Episode 7 Recap: Battle of the Inner Saboteurs

Previously on Drag Race: The queens played some Snatch Game and established which ones will get to be on All Stars 3 after Shea Couleé wins the crown. Alexis Michelle channeled Liza Minnelli realness and won a challenge despite her very limited fashion sense. And Peppermint shot and killed Cynthia Lee Fontaine during their lip-sync.

The girls regroup in the werk room after Cynthia’s elimination. Peppermint tries to be nice, but Trinity Taylor basically sums up my thoughts in classic Trinity style: “I love her, but bye bitch.”

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Cucu is shook.

Sasha Velour starts to get out of drag and randomly decides to imitate Farrah Moan whining and she deserves to retroactively win Snatch Game just for that.

Also, Trinity Taylor helps Valentina take off her cardboard bra and I’m pretty sure Valentina just died?

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This is some uncensored HBO violence shit.

The next morning, the queens start to discuss dreaming about the competition and Alexis announces she had a dirty dream about Sasha – and before she can say anything else, RuPaul‘s “SHE DONE ALREADY DONE HAD HERSES” rings out and I’ve never been more annoyed at that thing’s timing.

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And I’m sure Alexis is pissed at losing a chance to talk about herself some more.

RuPaul comes in talking about 1993 and Farrah Moan exclaims “when I was born!” And then Alexis Michelle and RuPaul murder her.

This week’s challenge is “9021-HO,” a Drag Race homage to the hit ’90s show 90210. RuPaul says “this time, you’re gonna rule the school” and Aja makes this face, which confuses me greatly:

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What is going on here?

The girls go through the roles and Peppermint has to assign characters to everyone. Everybody’s happy until we get to Aja’s role, where she throws the most tantrum-y of tantrums because she doesn’t get what she wants. Alexis tells her, “Girl, you gotta grow up and accept the challenge.” Aja’s incredibly mature response: “I don’t have to.”

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Gurl. (Also Shea totally matches with that furry thing in the back)

Shea Couleé offers to swap roles with Aja, and Peppermint goes with that. Aja immediately feels bad and comments on how foolishly she acted – and even Sasha Velour agrees. Girl, when Sasha Velour has to read you, you know you done fucked up.

As they’re getting ready, Alexis makes sure to establish herself as the resident 90210 expert and goes around telling everyone what they should do and look like.

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Valentina has had to put on her fake listening face a lot this season.

The queens show up on set to film their act and the guest judges, Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth, do a little bit with some slapping for entertaintment. It’s not wildly amusing, but at least Alexis Michelle is getting her life.

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-gasps in Jewish-

Filming gets started and Nina Bo’nina Brown fudges up all her opening lines. Jennie and Tori attempt to give her some pointers on enunciation and comedic timing, but Ms. Brown, in classic Nina fashion, immediately assumes the guest judges are out to get her and shuts down.

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Don’t take it personally, girl, the voices in her head told her to.

Speaking of fucking up, Farrah Moan and Sasha Velour both stumble a bit as well and, while I’m not that surprised Farrah is underdelivering, I’m horrified that my girl Sasha is. Oh, and that role Aja threw a screaming tantrum to get? Yeah, she fucks that up too.

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“Head cheerleader is gonna be me, Laquisha Kiana”

It’s time for the weekly “let’s cry while we put on our makeup” segment. Trinity Taylor dropped out of high school to take care of her dying grandmother after her mom had already died from AIDS when she was a kid. Shea Couleé’s dad finally accepted her when he was diagnosed with cancer and was able to put things in perspective. Sasha Velour became a bald queen to show her cancer-ridden mom that bald is beautiful.

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I can’t do this anymore!

Category is big hair on the runway! Valentina is perfect and beautiful and looks like Linda Evangelista. Farrah Moan actually looks gorge. Trinity Taylor’s pageant wig is bigger than Alyssa Edwards‘. Then in comes Sasha Velour in crazy, assy, Brooklyn punk realness. Zowie.

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Sasha, being gay is hard enough, please don’t also turn me into a lesbian!

Peppermint looks classic and cool as Chaka Khan, but that’s really been done before. A lot. Nina Bo’nina Brown has a leopard lady thing going on, which is pretty damn well-done. Shea Couleé gets points for incorporating a soda cup labeled “Unicorn Tears” into her look.

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And also that wig. Damn.

Alexis Michelle’s eye makeup is pretty cool, but the rest of her outfit looks a little sloppy. Aja actually looks really good in a dark Queen of Hearts-type look.

The queens and judges watch the finished product of their filming session. The Pit Crew boys have parts in this too and they’re wearing way more clothes than usual.

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Well, one of them is. The other’s just a hot mess.

Valentina is totally killing it as a conflicted, boozy virgin, and Trinity’s pill-popping attention whore mom is amazing. Shea Couleé’s weird old pregnant high schooler is a riot too.

Peppermint, Farrah Moan, and Alexis Michelle are safe. Valentina is praised for stoning her tights, I mean gloves. Backstage, Farrah Moan suddenly theorizes that she and the other two safe girls are actually secretly in the bottom and everyone else is safe.

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The resident paranoid queen would like a word.

When the other queens join them, Trinity announces there are two people she considers competition. Valentina is totally preparing herself to be named, but then Trinity says Shea and Alexis, “not Valentina.” Ooooo gurl. When did these two start hating each other?

Back on the main stage, Trinity wins her second challenge! Sasha narrowly escapes a bottom two placement, which this week belongs to Nina Bo’nina Brown and Aja.

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This lip-sync is ON.

Aja and Nina are so equally good that I think the final decision ends up coming down to track record in the competition… where Nina wins. Poor screentime-deprived Aja sashays away after a very lackluster run in the competition.

There was so much hype behind this queen coming into the season, I’m probably as disappointed as she is in her overall performance. Hopefully, she’ll learn and grow from this experience. Bye-bye, Princess Disastah!

Did someone ask for a run-down?

Valentina – I was just saying last week Valentina was starting to fade into the background, and this week’s challenge allowed her to bubble right back up to the surface. Still a great front-runner in the competition.

Farrah Moan – To her credit, Farrah did decently in the challenge and looked great on the runway. That said, with the competition getting tighter and tighter every week, I don’t think she’s going to survive very much longer.

Trinity Taylor – Trinity has joined Shea in the multiple win club, and she looks great up there. She’s gorgeous, she’s hilarious, and has a really amusing attitude. I don’t think a win is out of the question for her yet.

Sasha Velour – Poor Sasha fumbled in the challenge this week, but her runway was a total stunner and she should’ve been safe just for that. Hopefully, she doesn’t get in her head too much in the future.

Peppermint – Finally, Peppermint got through an acting challenge without stumbling on any of her lines – and her runway was an improvement too. Still, I do think she’s a step or two behind most of these girls.

Nina Bo’nina Brown – Given how frequently Nina struggles with her inner demons (read: all the damn time), I think she’s unfortunately doomed to sashay away sooner or later. She might last a few more episodes, but I doubt she’ll make it past top 5.

Shea Couleé – Girl continues to slay the house down week after week. I think it’d almost be nice to see her fail at something, just to get some glimpse of vulnerability from her. She just seems completely invincible.

Alexis Michelle – Alexis does well in challenges, but she really does need some fashion lessons, stat. I think that ultimately will be her downfall among all these gorgeously dressed queens.

That’s it for this week! Don’t forget to join me next week for more Drag Race-y goodness!

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