RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9, Episode 14 Recap: And The Winner Is…

Previously on Drag Race: Peppermint, Sasha Velour, Shea Couleé, and Trinity Taylor were all so, so good that Mama Ru decided to bring them all on to the season finale. Charlie Hides, Valentina, and, to a lesser extent, Nina Bo’nina Brown all gave up in their respective lip-sync showdowns, prompting RuPaul and the showrunners to throw a curveball at the competition – and the way the winner is determined.

Are you ready, kittens? It’s time for the grand finale of season 9! We open right off the bat by introducing the season’s contestants.

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Jaymes Mansfield is looking classic and cute in a very Jaymes-like bodacious, old-fashioned look. Her fur shawl doubles as a little wolf puppet. Pretty adorbs.

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Move aside, bitches, Kimora Blac is in the house – and girl is looking fierce. I’m into the big furry train. Wonder if she had a sweatshop stone that dress for her.

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Charlie Hides is still alive and kicking! Evidently, she really likes that hair color – and wearing her own name as an accessory. I kind of like the droopy fabric on the sides of her dress.

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Well, holy shit. Eureka is wearing an elephant head. That’s bold. I’m not sure what else to say there. I’m a bit stunned.

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That hair! Cynthia Lee Fontaine is definitely redeeming herself with this look. Yowza. Seriously, that wig is incredible.

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Apparently, turcoaahze is a popular color this year. Aja‘s looking pretty in blue, and those sleeves are actually a jacket. Can I have it? I’ll use it for uh… I don’t know. Laundry day or something.

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Farrah Moan is blindingly bright in her silvery armor-like corset and flowy white dress. She’s like half-Wonder Woman, half-bridezilla. Toot!

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Valentina’s hair and makeup are perfect as always, but I’m not a huge fan of the outfit? Maybe it’s just me. I just expected a little more from her, I guess.

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Nina Bo’nina Eliminated on Episode Ten Brown is looking unusually girly. No crazy face paint or huge pads here – it’s a flowy wig and a poofy dress! It’s very out of character, but I love it.

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I like everything about Alexis Michelle‘s look except the hair. The rest of the look is giving me avant-garde dark fantasy villain, but the wig is just … Marge Simpson.

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See, I like this look’s concept, and the hair and collar really genuinely work for me, but the rest of it… I’m not sure if it’s the padding or the stripes, but Peppermint just looks really huge there.

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Um someone please get those people’s hands the fuck out of the camera’s way thanks.

Sasha Velour’s outfit is extravagant, detailed, and a tad religious-looking? Maybe it’s just me. I love the crazy collar and the giant earrings. The sleeves kind of make her arms look extremely short, but it’s okay.

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Shea Couleé is looking seriously gorge. The matching pants and train, the curly hair, all of it. Werk that black excellence, you fabulous creature.

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Trinity Taylor’s dress is pageant-y and really really beautiful. It’s an amazing color association that I would have laughed at on paper. Trinity is never done surprising me.

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Finally, RuPaul shows up surrounded by dancers who seem to have misplaced their pants. She’s looking fresh, and while the lighting kind of ruins her dress, it is a really nice outfit.

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Tonight, Ru reminds us, the final four queens will be asked to Lip-Sync For The Crown.

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Evidently these two have not been paying attention because we’ve known about this for a minute.

RuPaul says hi to his “Judges Judies” (clever), and Michelle Visage is feeling it tonight.

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“BITCH YOU BETTA WERK TONIGHT BIIIITCH WEEERRKKK”

This year, we’re skipping straight to interviewing the final four – and the final four only. Which means the other ten queens’ only real endgame screentime was what they got at last week’s reunion. In other words, Jaymes Mansfield’s one read of Valentina last week was literally the only thing she was allowed to say post-elimination.

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Well that was homophobic.

Peppermint is up first, and RuPaul chats her up. Pepper talks about how she’s the season’s lip-sync assassin and says to “let her know where to aim.”

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Peppermint is serving comic book villain realness and I love it.

Peppermint gets a sweet supportive video message from her pal, Orange Is The New Black‘s Laverne Cox!

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Hey, she got out of max!

And that’s not the only surprise Peppermint is getting tonight!

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GASP!

Winter Green, back in style, says “this is all you” to Peppermint, and I’m not sure if she’s blaming her or thanking her. I’m gonna go with the latter.

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Seriously, Winter Green for season 10.

Sasha Velour takes the stage, and she’s ready for this lip-sync extravaganza, hennies. So as to keep things equal between all the queens, Sasha is getting a video message from a supporter too.

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… Katy Perry?!

As much as I love Katy Perry – and it’s awesome that the show got such a big name to support one of its queens – why Katy Perry, and why Sasha Velour? They have basically nothing in common. This just feels a little too random to be really genuine.

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Oh hey, here’s my old buddy!

Sasha’s boyfriend Johnny Velour and her dad Papa Velour are here to support her tonight! Best. Dad. Ever. And Johnny’s cool too.

Mama Ru asks Sasha what her mother would think of all this if she were still here to see it. Sasha looks down at her outfit.

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“She’d say, ‘too much!'”

Oh, Sasha, you perfect person, you. Don’t make me cry and laugh at the same time, please. Craughing is the worst.

Shea is up next, and she talks about how ready she is for the finale. Mama Ru asks her about her family, and Shea reveals her father and sister have both passed away from cancer since the show was filmed.

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Okay, well, now I’m not craughing anymore. I’m just crying.

Shea introduces Ru and the audience to her mother, who’s a reverend. Mama Ru calls her “Reverend Couleé.” 10/10 best name.

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And she’s a sassy one, too!

RuPaul brings up Blac Chyna – and we get a special shot of Nina Bo’nina Brown looking extra bitter.

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They done did Nina dirty.
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That IS a nice car.

You guessed it! Blac Chyna is Shea’s surprise supportive message. She tells her to go slay that crown. Or, uh, slay the crowd and win the crown.

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Still bitter as fuck.

RuPaul asks Shea what winning would mean to her, and she says “it would mean an era of sickening black drag queens running this world continued!”

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Jasmine Masters DOES run the world.

Last but not least, Trinity Taylor comes around, talking about how people didn’t originally like her when the season began. (Okay, yes, guilty.) Ru makes a joke comparing her low approval rating to a certain Republican president.

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Hissssss do not speak his name!

Trinity Taylor’s sibling and boyfriend are here in the audience to support her.

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And she introduces them as “my much older sister and my sugar daddy.” Classic Trinity.

Ru and Trinity talk about how she was mentioned on a Drag Race-themed Saturday Night Live skit featuring Chris Pine and that she wants to “climb him like a tree.”

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Girl, don’t we all.

Trinity’s got her own special fan message from a celebrity.

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It’s Bobby Moynihan! I guess they couldn’t afford Chris Pine.

The interview segment is over, and it’s time for the action! Our very own Ross Mathews explains how this is going to work. First, two queens will be paired up and lip-sync against each other, while the other two go head-to-head as well. Then, the winner of each will lip-sync together, and the winner takes the crown!

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The pink one wins?! Um, hello, spoiler alert!

So, what this basically means is, gone are the days of determining a winner based on the season’s performances. Tonight’s lip-syncs decide everything.

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Oh the pressuuuuuureeeeee.

It’s time to spin the wheel that will pick who goes first!

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Here we go, bitches!

The wheel spins…

And spins…

And spins…

And stops – on Trinity Taylor!

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Oh she ready.

Another plot twist: Trinity gets to choose her opponent – and thus potentially the queen she’ll eliminate by defeating in the lip-sync.

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Pretty much how I feel right now.

Trinity decides not to go the easy route – she picks the lip-sync assassin, Peppermint, as her opponent!

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Oh my goodneessss.

To select the song, Peppermint gets to choose between two boxes carried by Jason and Bryce from this season’s screentime-deprived Pit Crew. Pepper gestures to the crowd and most of them scream “two.”

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Um, racist.

Peppermint goes with the crowd’s desires and opens box number two – which contains “Stronger” by Britney Spears! I love a good Britney lip-sync. The crowd is quivering with anticipation as the queens get in position.

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And Trinity’s boyfriend Leo appears to have been converted to the glasses crew by just about everyone around him. It’s an epidemic!

The lip-sync begins, and y’all, it is tight. With the chorus starting out, Trinity rips off her skirt to reveal the craziest-looking thong action.

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Yowza!

Trinity is pulling out all the stops, like she did when facing Charlie Hides, but Peppermint is taking it more slowly, like a threatening robot monster powering up for the kill. And bitch, what a kill.

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Count ’em – two reveals! Dress AND wig!

The crowd goes wild, Peppermint tosses her wig at them, game, set, and match.

The winner, RuPaul declares, is Peppermint! After a reveal like that, it’s no shocker. Poor Trinity got a little too ambitious and ended up being the lip-sync assassin’s third victim. And with that, Peppermint moves on the finals and Trinity Taylor sashays away.

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You guys, I miss her already.

Next up: Sasha Velour and Shea Couleé! The two of them come back onto the stage holding hands.

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I SHIP IT SO MUCH.

For the second lip-sync battle, the queens get the song that was in Jason’s box:

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Oooooo bitch dis gon’ be good.

Here we go, y’all. Sasha versus Shea. The showdown of the season. Well, one of them. As the beat kicks in, Sasha starts to pluck petals from the rose she’s been holding.

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So. Fucking. Cool.

The girls point at each other for the line “Everytime I think of you” and my heart melts.

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THEY’RE SO PERFECT TOGETHER.
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BOOM. Rose petals fly out of Sasha’s gloves when she takes them off.

Oh, you thought that was it? Girl, no.

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THERE WERE ROSE PETALS IN HER WIG TOO!

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Shea tries to put up a fight, but how do you defeat this artistry? Sasha has just destroyed her lesbian life partner on national television, and she has the manic smile to go with it.

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RuPaul confirms it – Sasha is the winner of the lip-sync!

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I CAN’T HANDLE THIS OH MY GOD.

And just like that, this season’s frontrunner has just been asked to sashay away. To sum up, both Shea and Trinity, who had the most challenge wins all season long, are no longer in the running.

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I am shook. So shook. The shookest.

To make us all feel a little bit better after this crazy turn of events, Ru welcomes back last year’s winner, the Current Fucking Reigning: Bob the Drag Queen!

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Looking amazing in some stunning tribal wear.

RuPaul tells Bob it’s time to hand over the crown, and her iconic response: “I’d like to keep it on, please.”

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Valentina takes it like a champ.

A few quirky exchanges later, Bob steps away and Peppermint and Sasha Velour return, ready for their final lip-sync performance.

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Peppermint is glittery and feathery and booby and all those good things. She looks great.
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Sasha looks like a glamazon alien from outer space who’s come to conquer your species with her spiky fierceness.

The time has come, y’all. Sasha Velour and Peppermint are about to mud wrestle lip-sync for the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar.

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The lip-sync song is “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay” by Whitney Houston! Whitney is ruling the house tonight. As the song’s starting, I’m praying Sasha doesn’t pull a Valentina with her mask – but fortunately, she takes off the mouthpiece immediately.

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And then she cracks the rest of it open. Weerrrk.

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Peppermint reaches into her cleavage for a handful of glitter and releases it on herself while convulsing like a fabulously gay seizure.

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Sasha’s lip-syncing skills are phenomenal. Can you win an Oscar for a lip-sync?

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The performance ends dramatically. They were both so darn good.

Bob the Drag Queen returns for the crowning. Moment of truth. And the winner is…

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Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod

SASHA VELOUR!

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AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
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AWWWWWWW
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Okay I’m done with caps lock. But this is so amazing!

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“Let’s change shit up. Let’s get inspired by all this beauty, and change the motherfucking world!” Sasha declares. YES, MY QUEEN. YES WE CAN.

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And just like that, despite fewer challenge wins and less significant screentime, Sasha Velour has just defeated her remaining opponents with her intelligence and creativity and slayed her way to the top of season nine. It’s a polarizing win, but absolutely a deserved one. And hey, Shea, Trinity, and Peppermint (and Valentina) will most likely be back for All Stars. Can’t wait till then!

This marks the end of my recap of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season Nine, my darlings. I hope you all enjoyed reading up on my crazy opinions and dumb jokes as you watched with me. It’s been an amazing journey and I will most likely cover the next season on here – so you betta werk subscribe! In fact, I will be returning sooner than you think to recap one of the most popular TV shows out there… You’ll just have to tune in to find out which one! Wink wink.

And on that happy note… sashay away!

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