RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9, Episode 14 Recap: And The Winner Is…

Previously on Drag Race: Peppermint, Sasha Velour, Shea Couleé, and Trinity Taylor were all so, so good that Mama Ru decided to bring them all on to the season finale. Charlie Hides, Valentina, and, to a lesser extent, Nina Bo’nina Brown all gave up in their respective lip-sync showdowns, prompting RuPaul and the showrunners to throw a curveball at the competition – and the way the winner is determined.

Are you ready, kittens? It’s time for the grand finale of season 9! We open right off the bat by introducing the season’s contestants.

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Jaymes Mansfield is looking classic and cute in a very Jaymes-like bodacious, old-fashioned look. Her fur shawl doubles as a little wolf puppet. Pretty adorbs.

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RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9, Episode 13 Recap: Rip Her Wig Off!

Previously on Drag Race: Charlie Hides gave up on life and humiliated herself on national television. Valentina asked to keep it on, please. Nina Bo’nina Brown knew all these bitches were talking shit about her behind her back. Alexis Michelle demanded that you not make it about her body. And our final four queens advanced to the finale!

… Which I thought was this episode. Imagine my cataclysmic disappointment when the episode starts playing and RuPaul goes “we are one week away from the crowning of America’s Next Drag Superstar!”

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“WHAT SHE SAY?!”

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RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9: Countdown to the Crown

Hey, kittens! Hasn’t this season been just the gaggiest? I want like, half of these contestants on All Stars now, which really speaks to their appeal – even the less successful ones have been incredibly memorable. I hope you all have been enjoying the show as much as I have. Now, without further ado, let’s get to our finale countdown!

Rather than list out individual memorable moments and talk about each contestant’s performance, I thought I’d do something a little different – a look back at my first impressions of each queen’s Meet the Queens video, and how that impression was either validated or proven very very wrong in the end. Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?

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RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9, Episode 12 Recap: The Final Girls

Previously on Drag Race: RuPaul’s Best Friend Race got its lunch money taken by Alexis Michelle and her drama. Sasha Velour and Shea Couleé got into their first tiff as a married lesbian couple. And Peppermint destroyed another adversary in the lip-sync.

The girls regroup in the werk room post-elimination and Sasha Velour is all “our heart is broken for our sister” but ALSO “unfortunately I feel like this was her time.”

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Every season has its unexpected shade assassin, and this year’s is Ms. Velour.

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RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9, Episode 11 Recap: She Bring It To You Every Ball

Previously on Drag Race: The queens gave the crew members makeovers and turned them into gorgeous queens… and one sad bunny. Alexis Michelle‘s runway look was called basic for the 40th time this season. And Shea Couleé fell into the bottom two for the first time – but Nina Bo’nina Brown was the one to go.

Back in the werk room, Trinity Taylor rejoices at the fact that Nina and her negativity are gone. And she won the challenge, so this is a real good day for Trinity. She throws some pretty serious shade at Shea Couleé for having had to lip-sync.

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Sasha just realized this ain’t RuPaul’s Best Friend Race anymore.

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RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9, Episode 10 Recap: Making the Bunny Cry

Previously on Drag Race: Sasha Velour and Shea Couleé won yet another challenge together and the fanfiction intensified. Alexis Michelle threw her teammates under the bus, all the while saying it was not her intention to do so (but she did it anyway). And Valentina tried to get away with lip-syncing with a mask on… and sashayed away instead.

The queens return to the werk room trying to figure out what the heck just happened. Everyone cheers for Nina Bo’nina Brown‘s great lip-syncing job against Valentina, but of course, Nina is trapped her own special blend of negativity and anxiety and can only see the sadness in all this – which, to be fair, you can’t blame her for this time.

But the other queens have HAD it with her attitude. Officially. Sasha Velour and Peppermint go on this synchronized fed-up rant saying almost exactly the same thing at the same time, and it’s kind of magical.

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“Can we stop talking about this actually can we not this is too much I’m sorry this is not I’m not having this conversation anymore I’m not having this in here”

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RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9, Episode 9 Recap: Mask-Crack of the Century

Previously on Drag Race: Peppermint finally came out of her wrapper (not even sorry) and won a challenge. Alexis Michelle humiliated a guest judge, which is always a great way to get everyone to like you. And Farrah Moan was finally allowed to stop whining and go home.

The queens discuss the lip-sync and Alexis Michelle is a little bit shook after landing in the bottom two. “To choke like that,” she says, “I scarcely know what happened.”

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C’mon, thesaurus!

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